Tuesday, August 31, 2010

On the Hunt

Oh, how I wish someone would just hand me my dream job. Here I am in the middle of my third week of searching and all I have are three scam responses from Craigslist to show for it. I hate to say it, but I feel I have just about exhausted all the resources I have. I have checked out: AZ state jobs, Craigslist multiple times a day, Tucson city jobs, LDSjobs.com, U of A employment opportunities, and BYU alumni employment postings. Nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. If I wanted to get a job working fast food, I could. But isn't this precise problem the reason I went to college? hmmm. I'm trying not to get down on my self, and I haven't given up hope, but oh how I wish someone would post a job that is actually up my alley. Activities director, if you were wondering, is the job title I crave.

I spent all of today revamping my resume, cover letter, list of events I've put on, tournaments I've organized, etc. Tomorrow I have big plans to visit the LDS employment office. Hopefully they can give me some pointers. But in all honesty, I think I just need to go to every nursing home, assisted living facility, community center and hotel I can find and convince them that they need me! :)

oh dear...

I think this little guy will help me

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Jonah's Chest

Now I won't even pretend that I'm crafty, but I am pretty proud of my most recent attempt! Seattle Children's sent me a box of all of Jonah's things after he passed away. We got his binkie, his hospital gown, his hat, hand and foot prints, locks of hair, and his blanket. I wasn't sure what to do with these things or the many cards and emails we received from friends and family, the bow from his casket and the teddy bear that I hold when I'm sad I can't hold him. Finally, I decided I wanted to make him a nice chest to hold everything so that we could have it out all the time as a nice decoration, and then when one of us wanted to look through his things, it was all together. I looked for a few weeks trying to find an affordable, yet nice, unfinished chest. Finally, Ransom's mom found us the perfect one! I wish I would have thought to take a before shot, but after 3 days of staining and painting, here is the finished product :)

Saturday, August 21, 2010


I've been seriously slacking in the blogging department. But, I did move a couple of states away which tends to take up some time! Tucson is not what I expected. For some reason, I was expecting guns constantly shooting, sirens non-stop, and the feeling of not being able to leave our apartment. Ha, not the case! Tucson is a normal city. Not any scarier than downtown Tacoma, WA. I actually love it so far. Sure its been between 100-110 every day, but other than that, it is pretty nice.

Ransom started school officially on Thursday and loves it.

(I still cannot believe he allowed this picture to be taken!)

I love hearing about the cases he is reading and arguing with him on what the judge should have ruled. It's pretty fun. As for now, we've had lots of time together but I am well aware that that wont always be the case.

Our apartment is a townhome not much bigger than our Utah apartment; except it's two floors. As of yesterday, we are finally all set up and decorated.

Recognize the new couches? :)

I love the kitchen; it actually comes with a dishwasher!

But, my favorite part...

WALK-IN CLOSET! Finally, no more sliding closets that come off the track with any resistance!

I recognize that it's not much, but when you go from our old apartment to this one, it feels like a palace!

In other news, Jonah's doctor called yesterday. They had gotten the autopsy results in and were calling to explain them to us. It turns out that Jonah did have brain cancer. His tumor is called a medulloblastoma; a cancer which forms a tumor in the cerebellum. It can be operated on and treated with standard cancer treatments; but when a child under the age of 3 gets it, those treatments are very dangerous. Jonah's tumor had apparently metastasized into his brain stem and was bleeding into itself. This is what took his life. I did a little research about it and apparently medulloblastomas are most common in children 5-7 years old. I couldn't find anything about these tumors developing in utero. Seattle Children's (which is in the top 3 children's hospitals) had only had 2 cases in the past year of infants with tumors developing in utero and they were not the same as Jonah's. So, needless to say, what happened to Jonah is extremely rare. But, the best news is that so far as research has explored, medulloblastomas are not genetic. One article I came across did show that children who had it were more likely than the control children to have immediate family members with cancers such as leukemia, etc, but this finding was not very significant. While this news does bring comfort about the likely health of our future children, it doesn't completely calm my anxiety.

Since I had a c-section, we are not supposed to get pregnant again for 12-18 months. I really didn't like getting this news. I know it's for my own safety but it still makes me feel... I don't know... less like a woman I guess. It probably would have been for the best emotionally to wait this long anyway, but but being told we can't is an awful feeling. But since there is nothing I can do about that, my next task is to find things to do to keep me busy. I've been looking for jobs on craigslist, and now that the apartment is all set up, I'll be more aggressive with that. If any of you have any ideas of things to keep me busy, I'd love to hear them! :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

All my life, I thought only of Jesus' pain when thinking about the atonement. Not until yesterday at Church did the thought come to mind to consider Heavenly Father's pain in sending him. I know how painful it is to loose a son. But, I did not choose for Jonah to die. Heavenly Father chose his only son's death. God was willing to go through that agony and guilt and helplessness because Jesus' sacrifice was the only way I could become worthy enough to live with Jonah again. I don't think I could have chosen to let Jonah suffer and die; even if it were the only way to save the rest of humanity. I know I could have volunteered my own life for the task; but to let Jonah? I just don't think most parents could do it. I think I'm too selfish to ever make that decision. Heavenly Father went through SO much pain to send Jesus here knowing that he would suffer greater than any human can and then die. But, he did it. I think the only thing worse than Heavenly Father's pain in choosing Jesus' death, is having that sacrifice be in vain. While I won't pretend to know how hard Heavenly Father had it in sending Jesus here and watching his suffering, I do know how painful it is to loose a son. And because of this knowledge, I refuse to let Heavenly Father and Jesus' pain be taken for granted by me.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

What a Nice Surprise!

When we designed Jonah's gravestone, they told us it wouldn't be ready for 6-8 weeks. We were sad because we knew that meant we probably wouldn't see it in person until Christmas break. We have visited Jonah's plot a few times since his burial and all there was to show his place was the cut up grass. Yesterday we went down to place a planter of pansies at the plot, and to our absolute surprise, his gravestone had been set! We were so grateful to be able to see it before we leave!

The words at the bottom, "many happy memories we will make" are from the blessing Ransom gave Jonah just before he passed, promising him that when we are reunited we will make many happy memories together as a family. We are really pleased with the way the marker turned out. It is so nice to have a place to go and think of Jonah. We just love that little boy so much!

On Friday night, we went with Ransom's family to the Relay for Life in Sumner, WA. Relay for Life is a really cool event honoring cancer survivors, people who have passed from cancer and those funding research to cure it. Ransom's mom is a cancer survivor and is very involved with the event. She made a luminary bag in memory of Jonah that was placed around the track with other bags. When it got dark, the candles in the bags were lit and made a beautiful memorial. There was also a nice slide show that Jonah's picture was included in for those who passed away from cancer. Jonah was the only baby I saw which made me happy to know that very few people have had to deal with such a trial. Children really shouldn't get cancer.

It's getting to be about that time for our big move! Ransom is leaving this Saturday! I can't believe the end of summer is almost here! It went by really quick for me! I'm a little nervous for Arizona and becoming a law school widow, but I'm also excited to make new friends and settle into a new place. I think it will be fun! I've been looking on Craigslist for jobs, but no one in the recreation department seems to be hiring :) I hate to settle for a job where I don't actually need a college degree, but I guess in this economy, you take what you can get.

Before our big move, my parents really wanted to get us out on the sail boat one last time. We ended up sailing under the Narrow's Bridge which I thought was pretty cool! It was a really hot and sunny day and we had a lot of fun. We even spent the night on the sail boat which was quite a feat for us!

Life is going well. We are really just taking it day by day. Some days all I want to do is look at pictures of Jonah and cry, and others we are up for hanging out with friends and having a good time. I have a lot of faith that those sad days will become less and less frequent, but for now, it's just the way it is. I wouldn't trade my experiences with Jonah for anything. And, if I had to do it all over knowing what would happen, I would, because we know we'll have him again and I am so excited for that day.