Saturday, December 17, 2011

So Sad!

Ok remember these?



Unfortunately I never took another picture while they were like almost a foot tall and so nice and thick. I guess I was waiting for the first fruit to capture yet another picture of foliage. But the world will never know because no one ever told me (probably because it's common sense) that you have to bring them inside when it's freezing out!



Epic fail

Sunday, November 27, 2011

A Reason to Decorate!

It was very difficult to decorate for Christmas last year. Too many unfulfilled traditions, too many sad days in a row, not enough youthful energy in the house.

This year I had a reason to decorate. First of all, I've come to realize through my experience last year that we can get through Christmas. We can say, "we've done it before; we can do it again".

Secondly, we finally have a matching set of stockings!!! WAY too many hours went into these babies to not display them proudly!



Finally, we've been given so many fun ornaments over the years. And even though we don't have room for a tree, I decided they needed to be hung somehow!






Happy Birthday Jesus!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Introducing...

Penelope!



The newest addition to the Young family :)



Penelope was a spur of the moment addition but we are so glad we decided to take her home. She is a maltepoo (Maltese + Poodle mix) but she looks more like a maltese than anything. She is 5 months old and is soooo sweet! Such a good puppy. She's not technically potty trained yet but she's been so good so far. She wasn't crate trained either but last night (her first night with us) she slept through the night in our room in her crate! No accidents and only a few minutes of whining at the beginning. Such a good puppy!

She's got lots of energy, but you can also find her like this multiple times a day



We love our little Penelope!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Veteran's Day Weekend

I have to admit that there are a few perks to living in Arizona. One is being able to camp in the middle of November. This weekend we got to head out near Wilcox, AZ and stay with our friends on their parent's ranch. SO.MUCH.FUN!

I think this is the mode of transportation in boy heaven:

We found this cool cave in the wash:

Ransom and I did a little exploring. Probably not the safest idea considering the loose rocks everywhere.

This picture really does not do justice to how dirty we got! I literally turned a baby wipe dark brown just cleaning my face.


Big Mike and Big Fatty.




Poor Elna was almost thrown off this horse like 1 minute into the ride.





Notice how bent my elbows are compared to everyone else's... No wonder I couldn't hit anything!


Right after this picture was taken, Rans went on to shoot three targets in a row! (I know, I know, Santa will consider it...)


There girls were wayyy better marksmen than me






All day yesterday I kept saying, "this is like Ransom's dream vacation". Fire+lots of food+ fun friends+ football+ ATV riding+ horse back riding+ shooting= happy Ransom (and happy me, too!)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sick Day

My poor husband woke up sick today. Soup for breakfast, apple sauce for lunch, soup for dinner and tea for a bedtime snack (conveniently on a fast sunday, mind you!) Not that I'm complaining about the care-taking; I've always liked being needed. But it makes me wonder, do moms ever get a sick day?

My guess is no...


What happens in your homes?


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Good Grief

Every once in a while I like to read through old posts in my journal. Sometimes I surprise myself because I honestly don't remember writing it. Which makes me all the more grateful that I've kept one (although no where near as faithfully as I should!)

A few days ago I found this:

"I've been hungering to hold and play with little 14 month old boys a lot lately. There is one that I especially eye at church because he reminds me of Jonah. He has such a noticeable personality now and it makes me wonder about Jonah's personality. I wish I could experience that right now. I was thinking in church today about how my desire for a child Jonah's age is going to grow up with him. About how since he is our oldest, I will never have another child who has reached "Jonah's age". I'll always be wondering, "what would Jonah be into right now" even when our future kids are 32. Meaning my hunger is never going to be satisfied until he is back in my arms.

It's a scary realization, but a good one to make now, I guess. Before more children come into the picture I needed to be prepared to not fill the void in my heart. To know that I don't just hurt for a son or a baby, but for Jonah. For this one particular boy with his own spirit and his own personality. Yes, the void in my arms will (hopefully) be fulfilled someday, but the void in my heart just cant.

I love my Jonah. I always will. I wish I could hear him speak, giggle, and cry. (Oh how I miss the sound of his cry!) I wish I could read him books. I wish I could sing him songs. I wish I could wake up in the middle of this night just to go watch his chest moving slowly up and down. But I do not wish this pain would go away. He and I maintain a beautiful relationship through my mourning. As his mother I need tears to fall on his behalf. I need someone to wish he were here. I need someone to look around at every get-together and realize someone is missing. I need his name to be spoken; often. And who more appropriate to do those things for him than his own mom? (Although I share in this equally with Ransom)

And so as more children come my grief will take a new turn. I will no longer mourn for motherhood, but I will always mourn for my Jonah."


I was glad to find this post because it reminded me that my grief matters. That even if someone were willing to take it from me, I wouldn't let them. Because even on the hardest days, I know that my grief keeps me connected to my sweet son.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Damage Control

I just reread my last post and realized it could have very easily been taken offensively. I sincerely apologize if I have offended anyone. It was not at all my attention to point fingers or judge working mothers.

It was just one of those days where I found myself looking around my desk and thinking, "What am I doing here!?" One of those days where I was missing Jonah so much that I couldn't stand the thought of choosing to separate from him for even a moment if he were here. Which led me to think about choosing to not stay at home if I had a choice, etc.

I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings! I know we all make choices according to what we think is best and it is no one else's place to judge those decisions.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Working Girl

It's been so long...

I guess I've just been too lazy busy!

Lately, as I've been hard at work, I've been noticing how different my expectations for life are from my co-workers. To be a stay-at-home mom someday (hopefully in the near future) is not even an option for them. And even more; not a desire. It's not that my expectation is right and theirs is wrong, it's that I've never really realized how out of the box my life goal is to the working girl.

And the realization has led me to wonder why/how society got to this point. I can completely understand not being financially able to support a family with one income. But when there's a choice, I cannot imagine choosing to drop my kids off every day and heading to work. I would love to have an in-depth conversation with mothers who choose to work instead of staying home. Not to judge; I am just genuinely interested.

I have this picture of Jonah next to my computer at work:


It's to the left of the screen and slightly tilted so that his eyes line up with mine. (Because as this picture was taken, his eyes were looking right at me) It seems like every time I get really caught up in my work I catch his eyes in my peripheral vision and it reminds me that although life has taken me far from where I thought I'd be two years ago, Jonah (and his future brothers and sisters) is where my heart is. I'll do what I need to until then, but ultimately, our home is where my heart is.






Missing my baby today




*On a side note, my phone has died. My number is the same, so if you could please text me your name so I can re-save you, I'd appreciate it!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

My Part-Time Job

I swear all of my posts won't become about couponing from here on out but since my evening looked like this:



I didn't have the energy to write about anything else. :)

This week's loot:


Ream of paper: Free!
Toothpaste x4: Free!
Lysol wipes: Free!
10 packs of 12 disposable razors: I MADE $1 for each of those packs!
Brita Water purifiers: I MADE $6 on each of them!
Monopoly, Sorry, and the Game of Life: $4 each!
1lb organic spinach x6: $1 each! (I know what you're thinking but I freeze my spinach for smoothies, etc)

It's seriously addicting how ridiculous these deals are! But it's a wonderful way to stock up on things I'll need anyways.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

My Latest Obsession

I would pick up a new addictive hobby right as I'm trying to transition into a new job...

I. LOVE. COUPONING! I've been wanting to get into it for the past year or so but I just felt WAY to overwhelmed by the mass of information on the internet about how to do it. I'm not one who likes internet research. Give me a book that outlines (in simple steps) how to do something (accompanied by a glossary in the back) and I'm hooked!

It all started when Ransom came home from church a few weeks ago and said: "I really feel like we need to get our food storage together." Well duh, that's always been a goal (just one we've never worked on). But when he said that I knew he was right and I hopped online to do a little research. And again, bombarded with information about food storage; what to buy, how to store it, shelf lives, etc. When I looked at the amount of money it would cost to make a dent in our food storage I began freaking out.

But then I remembered seeing shows where people had practically their own grocery store in their garage at a fraction of the cost thanks to couponing. Well, we don't have a garage, but we do have closets and cupboards. And really, it's more important to have what you need during a crisis than to have a neatly organized storage room.

I knew I needed to find an easy book to explain all the ins and outs of couponing and I finally found it!!

Dun, dun, dun, daaaaa:


I read it in like 3 hours and while there is DEFINITELY a learning curve to couponing, I am so very excited to announce my first weekend of goods:

8 cans of black beans at $.47 each (not the best deal ever, but still great considering I'm used to paying $1.19)
1 Schick Hydro 5 blade razor for $.97 (was $5.47)
6 packages of smoked sausages (4 to a pack) for $.97/each. (Normally $2.97)

And, my personal favorite:
3 boxes of panty liners for SALES TAX only! (Seriously)


Yes, I should have taken a picture of my loot, but I was too excited to put them away in my needy cupboards! :)

Should I quit my new job and become a full-time couponer? Probably not, but a girl can dream :)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Movin' on Up!

I didn't want to say anything before it was official, but I got the call on friday and am so excited to announce that I am now working for the University of Arizona as a program coordinator for the fellowship program at the University Medical Center!

People do you know what this means!? ALMOST FREE TUITION! (except for the ridiculous taxes) And it happened with perfect timing to because I will be starting 2 days before the deadline for tuition reduction for this semester!

Seriously an answer to so many prayers!

I am so excited for this new job! Finally a position that will utilize my degree and interests. It was definitely hard to say goodbye to the dental lab that has been so good to me, but I really felt like it was time to part ways.

And so my desk is cleared and I am ready for my new adventure! eek! :)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Monsoon at its finest!

You would NOT BELIEVE the rain we got here last night! We practically swam home from our law society get together due to the lack of drainage in the streets. It was such a dangerous time to be driving but the whole way back all I was thinking about was our poor tomatoes. And when we finally got home I found them sitting in this:



(Of course I rescued them before the camera came out)



After the brave rescue I got to play in my only-comes-out-once-a-year-now rain boots!



(Noticing the hair? That's right! See post below...)

6 Inches!

It's gone... 6 inches.... OF MY HAIR are gone!

I really can't get over how brave I was! :) My good friend Tiffany made the cut and I'm so grateful her hands were steady during it because mine certainly were not!





I'm still playing with it and learning how to style it but I really like it! And surprisingly Ransom "I only like long hair" Young likes it too!





So here's to bravery at it's vainest! ;)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Did you get your tickets? (to the gun show!)



That's right. Me... with a gun...

Dad, are you proud or just scared?



Last Saturday these guys:





Took me shooting in hopes that I would give this guy:




my blessing to buy his own gun.


It was fun, it really was. But I'm still not thrilled about the whole thing for 2 main reasons:

1. It is a really expensive hobby.
2. I don't love the thought of having kids and guns in the same home.


So we'll see where guns end up fitting in our home in the future. For now, it's just nice to have generous friends with them :)


Your thoughts?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Remembering the Good

With so few memories of Jonah's life it can sometimes be hard to not focus my thoughts to the times of trauma and grief. Sometimes I find myself thinking of holding him in that little NICU room and then, without thought, finding myself fixating on the moments of holding his lifeless body. It's hard not to though; trauma shapes the most vivid of memories. And while I certainly don't wish to loose even the most painful of memories, there is so much joy to be found in focusing on the good.

Lately I've been continually going back to one particular memory that has blessed my understanding of Jonah's purpose on earth so much. It's one I don't think I've really shared with many people.

In the last hour before Jonah's life here ended, I was holding him. Actually, if I remember correctly, I was pretty much hogging him that entire day. Ransom and I had gotten to the hospital at around nine after being finally discharged from UWMC. I was positively giddy to get there because Jonah's shunt surgery had been performed successfully the night before and he was finally going to be allowed to eat. I had been religiously pumping colostrum for him every three hours to make sure I had enough to give him the entire 3oz the nutritionist wanted him to have. So as soon we got to his room and warmed the milk, I took him in my arms and presented the bottle. Honestly, I expected him to latch on right away and go to town on that food! He was two days old and hadn't had anything to eat. But he didn't. He sucked a little here and there but really wasn't that interested. The nurse kept pushing to put a feeding tube down his throat but I wasn't going to give up that quickly. Ransom and I worked together as I held Jonah and the bottle and Ransom manually moved his jaw to force him to swallow. It took for.ev.er. to get that boy to make it through those 3oz but he finally did it. And not 2 seconds later, he threw up the entire feeding! I felt absolutely defeated. I was dreaming of being able to bond with him in the way that a mother and baby do with breast-feeding and not only was I not getting that, but he had thrown up everything I had to offer to him. There was nothing left. Of course the nurse ended up winning with the feeding tube issue because more than anything, I just wanted him to be fed.

We couldn't watch the nurse put in the feeding tube because we couldn't stand to see Jonah uncomfortable so we stepped out. A few minutes later we came back in and I, of course, picked him up again. There was something so magnetic about that little boy. Even the nurses commented on how whenever they passed his bed, they just had to come and at least squeeze his little cheeks. I remember placing him on the pillow on my lap and just staring at him. He was awake but since the feeding tube was in place, a little piece of tape holding it in was causing one of his eyes to open more than the other. I don't remember what I was saying, but I began talking to him. And when he heard my voice he looked back at me. Then, out of nowhere, his precious little hand lifted and swiped at my lips. For a few minutes he did this; sweeping back and forth. I remember how his sweet fingernails were kind of sharp as he explored my chin and mouth but I didn't mind a bit. It was that moment of bonding that I had wanted so badly. With his touches I knew Jonah knew who I was and that he loved me. And I know that he knew how much I loved him.

Months later I realized that this moment with Jonah was the last time I really held "him". His breathing failed very shortly afterwards and every time I held him from that point on, I could tell his spirit was no longer inside his body.

I don't know if it is a common thing for newborns to explore with their hands the faces of those holding them, but I do know that Jonah was well aware of what was about to happen. I know he was giving me that mother-baby bonding moment he knew I needed before he had to leave. And when I look back on those few memories I have with my son, I am so grateful that despite the sad and traumatic ones, I also have, and can always choose to remember, the good.

Of course as soon as we pulled out the camera, he stopped doing it, but these were taken just afterward.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

San Diego

Turns out Ransom and I are quite adventurous! (side note: I seriously just spelt "adventurous" correctly on my first try!) Anyway, we're quite the travelers. Last weekend we look a road trip to San Diego for our last vacation without homework for a while. Actually it was our first vacation (since our honeymoon) that we have taken where our main objective wasn't to see someone. It was super fun to stay in a nice Mariott Hotel in a KING size bed (it's funny how you can seriously get lost in those things!). We got there late thursday night, "slept in" the next morning, which for us means waking up at 8, went out to Denny's for breakfast since room service was $14 for a bowl of cereal and fruit and then headed to SEA WORLD!

SO fun! I hadn't been in like 12 years and I loved it! The dolphins were so beautiful that I actually cried watching them! :) Anyways we didn't wanna carry around the camera so we only got one picture with Ransom's phone:



But the downside was getting BURNT TO A CRISP!




Do you feel sorry for me? I think you should because this was using 35 spf sunscreen!

So the next day we got to visit the San Diego Temple! I've always dreamed of visiting and I was SO glad we got to see it!



(Yeah, I wish I took this picture!)

And then we headed for the BEACH! LOVE the ocean! If I weren't so burnt I could have honestly stayed on the sand for the entire day!


The water wasn't too bad. Not my kind of swimming pool but as soon as Ransom saw the water he turned into a kid!



And on Sunday we got to drive up to LA to visit our friends Daniel, Kylie and their newborn daughter Evalyn! It was so fun to see them and so wonderful to hold Evalyn! I kept looking at her and just thinking how lucky we adults are to be given such sweet and precious gifts. They really change our lives for the better and I can't wait to have another in my home someday!

And that was the end of the trip. So worth the money and sunburn!

(and since I know you can't get enough of the Young family happenings, don't you fear; there's a bonus post below!)

So Excited!



Remember this?




Well a week ago I woke up to this:



(and just about peed my pants)


Well now THEY look this this:



!!!!!!

ketchup for Christmas anyone? :)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Home Improvement

Remember that show? Well this post has nothing to do with it. Except the home improving part...

If you will remember, I spent this summer moving into a new apartment (by myself). And with that move came some unexpected improvement projects.

The first:
Did you know that dryer power cords come in varieties of three and four prongs? Did you know that I didn't know that and as a result didn't check to make sure the one I bought off craisglist came with the one that fit our outlet? Well story of my life.

Of course the dryer came with a 4-prong power cord and the outlet only fit three.



What's a girl to do?

Thank goodness for the internet and an Ace Hardware store a mile away because I ventured to fix it by my SELF! Well after two tries, one small electrical fire, and a hand burn, my dryer works like a champ!

Project two:
Garden. Here's to hard work and self-reliance. I don't think one planter with tomato seedlings qualifies as a "garden" quite yet, but it's a start.



And #3:
Contact paper in the cabinets. My goodness, the cabinets were NASTY! Seriously, gross. And holy cow it takes for.ev.er. to take up the old and place in the new but it make ALL the difference! Thankfully Ransom was kind enough to lay the 2nd half and it looks great!

Before:


After:


Yay for home improvement! (and hopefuly a lighter load in the near future!)